Blame the Brain

Hang on a moment whilst I wrestle with my coat of angst and big fat shoes of DIS-AH-POINT-MENT!!!!

Went to Fat Club last night for the sacrificial weigh-in and found I had actually GAINED. yup.
A whole whumping great 100gms.  Or should I say 100 gms.  Yes folks, the 'ol point one of a kilo.
I'm hoping the weigh-in lady won't press charges (I did give her some frozen peas for her eye).

I knew I should have exfoliated, de-foliated and excreted before the meeting.

Oh well.  Once I finish wallowing in this vat of double choc-chip cookie dough heart-attack-in-a-box IceCream I'll be hauling this lumbering arse onto the treadmill daily until next weigh-in (and hopefully dodge a ride in a paddy-wagon).  I was kidding about the IceCream. Currently there is a stand-off between us.  My husband caught me late one night....by the flickering light of the refrigerator..... "Put DOWN the icecream and step AWAY from the refrigerator !  Easy....eaaaassyyy.... Nice an' slow......put it DOWN!!"

Amazing he still wants to shag me after that.

IceCream and I still talk,  but something has changed between us.

Me: "It's not you, it's me."
IceCream: "I know you still want me."
Me: "Please, don't make this any harder than it already is."
IceCream: "Are you BREAKING UP with me?"
Me: "I'd still like to be friends, but just not see so much of each other."
IceCream (sneering): "You'll be back."

On  a more positive front I've lost between 1.5 and 2.5cm from various geographical points on my porcine frame.

Later....

A couple of nights ago I had the misfortune to channel surf into The Biggest Loser.  I have seen previous series so no, I don't live under a rock, but before I never found it so deeply offensive.  The entire show is built on HUMILIATION.  You can bet your socks that the programmers didn't sit around a conference table brainstorming how they could single-handedly make Australia take stock of the collective girth and halt the looming diabetes pandemic.  No, those weasles (who probably have degrees in psychology) sat around the table guffawing and indulging in a bit of self-congratulatory back-slapping because they knew that they had a top-rating idea. 

Weasle 1:  "So guys, here's the thing.....We get as many grotesquely fat bastards as we can,  put them all in Rose Hancock-Porteous-Whatever's house, starve them and make them flog the shit out of themselves....in    front of cameras...whaddaya reckon?"
Big Weasle: "I think you might be onto something there Virgil".
Weasle 2: "Yeah. And we can get some bad-assed fattist gym freaks, along with an ex-SAS soldier dressed in tatts and maybe throw in a mercenary or two to humiliate the crap out of the fat fuggers....in front of the camera."
Weasle 1: "Yeeeeeaaahhhh....and then for the big finale those who haven't lost enough weight will be thrown into the Swan River and have to swim for their lives whilst the mercenary, aboard a navy frigate, takes potshots at them with an uzi."
Big Weasle: "Now that's just taking it too far Virgil.  I don't think they use uzi's any more."

Ah yes.  It's a winning formula.  Advertisers get all cannibalistic in their fight for thirty-seconds during BL ad-breaks. We LOVE to watch other people suffering because it makes our own pathetic and uninspiring little lives seem somehow - better.
We snuggle back into the couch and say; "Jeeze, get a load of the gut on that fat geezer sweating buckets trying to haul an army tank along the beach!" whilst we smugly pulpate our considerably smaller muffin-tops.
Our viewing tastes have decomposed to this point.
So we are left to ask ourselves what sort of people allow themselves  - or actively pursue - the opportunity to be demoralised and humiliated in front of hundreds of thousands of people?  By my reckoning there would be two types:  on the left, vapid attention-seeking morons and on the right truly desperate people who've tried everything to lose weight except wiring their jaws shut.

That's actually quite a nice segue .......

Some people just can't budge the pudge.

Apparently it's true.  No matter how hard they try some poor buggers just can't lose the lard.
Now I don't claim to be an expert (during my school days physics and chem were noises you made whilst vomiting) but surely energy in (food) < energy out (exercise)  = weight loss.  Simple right?
So what is it then?  Blame the brain.  Well someone's gotta take responsibility.  The fact is most of we fatties suffer from consumption amnesia and don't keep track of what we put between our lips.
Bit of left-over lasagne here, corner of toast there plus a lick of little Johnny's ice cream and voila- say hello to an extra chin.  But you would SWEAR that you only ate your usual cereal, sandwich and chops that day.
 Consumption amnesia - coming to grumblng stomach near you!
I guess the key here is to be mindful of our eating 'cause those little tidbits all add up.

Another obstacle in the minefield of fatbusting is eating when we're not necessarily hungry.  Ah yes, the hoary old chestnut of emotional eating.  Actually  I own the patent on that.  You know, when you sit down to a lovely little scoop of IceCream and end up eating 2 litres, an entire loaf of bread with a round of camenbert, a flock of turkeys and a cranberry bush  (actually I haven't done that, but it sounds ok)?  You just can't fill the void...you feel empty and end up making love to bath tub of butter chicken....and still feel empty. 
Perhaps what we need to do here is identify the need that is not being met, usually a psychological need, and address it.  You may need to get in the big guns because a chinwag over a coffee may not cut the mustard. (Cliche Queen!).

OK wakey wakey!!  I'm off the soapbox now....no more pontificating... I''m starting to bore myself now.

Off to feed the hoards with loaves and fishes (tee hee)!