The Most Dangerous Game

Dear F*ckwit-with-whom-I-shared-a-lift-at-the-Women's-and-Children's-Hospital,

Despite your advanced age you obviously haven't been taught the nuances and mores of social interaction with females.  Because of my socially conscientious and generally kind nature I have burdened myself with the task of educating you.

1) Do not assume that just because you are sharing the lift with another person that you should initiate interaction with them. This should have been taught to you, at the age of three, under the title "Stranger Danger." That sweet little old lady in a wheelchair with rheumy eyes?  She could be a vampire slayer.

2) Should you insist on "shooting the breeze" with stranger limit the interaction to comments about the weather.  This is called benign, or non-threatening behaviour.   As a rule these brief exchanges ought never include your opinions on politics, the judiciary or your parole officer.

3) Do not attempt to be funny, unless you are Jimeoin.  And if you are Jimeoin, can you please autograph my breasts?

4) For the love of God please, please, please THINK before you open your gob.
 DO NOT approach an unknown woman and child and say to the child "Oh, did Granny leave some lipstick on your forehead."
I can only assume that you'd had a bad day and were feeling suicidal when you said this to my SON.
Perhaps you come from the wrong side of town where women, on average, give birth at the age of eight.

You possibly considered that remark completely innocuous, however the ramifications have been far-reaching and tragic.  This confident, outgoing and intelligent woman has degenerated into an individual who frequents abandoned warehouses at night to share needles with other botox abusers.  I cannae attend any social event without some degree of botoxication.  Sadly, it is only a matter of time before I resemble the Bride of Wildestien.

You actually came out of our exchange rather well. 
After I stabbed you with my incisor the lift serendipitously opened at the haematology department.

May God bless you with migraines.

Yours Truly,

Charlotte
Vampire Slayer.