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May contain profane language and distateful ideas. Spoiled Charlotte is in no way affliated with the FBI, CIA, ASIO, French Foreign Legion or the Governments of Australia or Guam. The views expressed herein are in no way endorsed by Pfizer, Woolworths, Monsanto, Arnotts, Oprah or Miley Cyrus, which is a shame. We would have been so good together.




Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Taffeta and Tiaras

Oh goody goody clap clap I Love a Royal Wedding!   The last time I was this excited about nuptials Lady Diana was tripping up the aisle in a fabulous imitation of a dolly toilet roll holder.  But didn't we think she was GORGEOUS?  I remember Mum ooohing and aahhh-ing over that dress, despite the fact that she thought I should be the one wearing it.  Sorry Mum.  Unfortunately having me blugeoned with Debrett's Book of Modern Manners didn't make me any more appealing to Charles.  Admittedly it would have helped if  he knew I was alive.....and perhaps if I were a little older than ten.

Whilst my invitation from Kate and Wills has obviously been waylaid, the set of steak knives and fondue kit are on their way to Buckingham Palace as I type.  No doubt the fondue party invite will be forthcoming shortly after the gift's arrival.
Tomorrow I shall shake the mothballs from my vintage aqua-taffeta-drop-waisted-confection with leg-o-mutton sleeves and matching cocktail hat.  Months of culinary preparation will culminate in fizzing champagne and orange juice washing down the devils-on-horseback and the Jatz n' Coon with kabbana platters.
The more cerebral amongst us will be debating more serious issues.......will Kate wear her hair up or down??  Did Posh design the dress?  Will Camilla look less equine? Will Chelsy dance on the tables at the reception? Will Prince Phillip come out? God, the possibilities are endless. Perhaps the Edwinas, Arabellas, Isabellas and Rebels will throw themselves upon William during the vows begging him to reconsider - ripping out their hair in anguish - faces slick with snot and tears. 
The most fabulous thing of course is the fact that Katie gets the guy.  
Did you know she was bullied by EdwinaArabellaIsabellaRebels?  It's true.  Revenge is sweet you snotty turds.  Bet you are all falling over yourselves to win favor with the future Queen of England now aren't you?Mwa ha ha ha hahaaaaa! This truly is the geek getting the last laugh, except this geek is better looking and nicer than all of you double-barrelled-surnames from a shallow gene pool.
Ah yes. I must be Australian.

Hand over the remote and pass the Cheezels.

3 comments:

  1. LOL! Another great post! We are having Tiara Friday at work in honour of the royal nuptials! ;)

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  2. Devils-on-horseback? Didn't they feature in the 1982 Women's Weekly foodie special? Must dig that one out for the big night in!

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  3. In year 4 I was secretary of the school Red Cross. We were all treated to a reception at Government House hosted by the then Governor Seaman. Devils-on-horseback were served and became a firm favorite with me. I chased the waiters relentlessly that day. It WAS the seventies, but I secretly covet those juicy bacon wrapped prunes to this day!

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