The Death of Fat Club and The Fight For World Domination.

The weeds have had to come out of mothballs.  There has been a death, a death mourned by chubsters and used-to-be-chubsters throughout my district - and possibly The World!
The Death of Fat Club (referred to hereonin as The Passing).
I have not written of this earlier because I'm still fragile (brittle even) from the loss.  It's not so much the loss as the suddeness of it, the sheer unexpectedness, that has left us shocked, bewildered and aimlessly wandering the aisles of Woolworths.
Thursday night weigh-in's at the yacht club will be no more.
Fat Club Weight Watchers (boooooo-hissssssss) in its infinite wisdom has decided to cease operating our club because our leader resigned and "no-one else wants to be leader."  I know for a fact that this is false.  There were two individuals prepared to stand up for the position.
As you know, dear reader, SpoiledCharlotte loves explanations, especially reasonable ones so......

There is only one reasonable explanation:

Our dinky little club was not aiding Weight Watcher's toward its ultimate goal of World Domination.

Somewhere in America sits a fat man on one of those really expensive leather office chairs stroking a fat furry cat with his fat bejewelled fingers.  The man's name is.....Claude...yes, that sounds right....and he has a patch over his left eye (but that doesn't matter because no one ever sees his face - his back is always to the audience).  Claude is the undisputed, omnipotent, meglamanic, diabetic Big Kahuna Ruler of Weight Watchers.....and The World!

You always thought Barack Obama said "Yes We Can!" didn't you?  Nope.  It was Claude.
Sub-prime mortgage crisis and resultant global financal fiasco?........Claude.
Watergate?  Claude.
Camillagate? Claude.
Cuban Missile Crisis? Claude.
Osama Bin Laden?  Claude's lovechild!
The drought of 1890? Yep, Claude.

He is everywhere.  Claude actually created hydrogenated oils so that the world would become fat and then pay him to lose weight.  How?
Fat Club Weight Watchers was Claude's piece de resistance.  Via closed circuit TV cameras around the globe Claude watches, rubbing his hands together, as chubsters are herded like cattle toward scales and self-loathing.
And he didn't stop there.  In order to be an all pervasive presence in our homes Claude came up with the  Ab Cruncher TV ads.

But Claude is not finished, yet.
Claude's Global Emporium will only be complete when he has a deserving woman by his side.  A woman who will go forth and propagate future Claudesters,  a woman who also strives for World Domination.
There is only one woman for the job:
Oprah.

So next time you see an ad for Kate Morgan, Jenny Craig, Fat Club, Thigh Master, Ab Cruncher, Butt Blaster or KFC just remember.......Claude is watching you.
Oh, and don't think that a dose of pseudo psychiatry is going to help either;
Dr Phil is Claude's brother.