From page 79 of the Turkish Bugle.
ANKARA, Thursday: Fans who reported Australian stupendistar SpoiledCharlotte missing in action will be relieved to know the Blog Goddess is alive.
Ms Charlotte is currently residing in a hollowed-out tree somewhere near Kasaba. Whilst the Australian High Commission claims Ms Charlotte entered Turkey of her own accord it is believed that a flock of hairless hermits are now holding her hostage.
Mrs Charlotte's husband, Humphrey, has refused to pay the $37 ransom.
"I refuse to dignify the demands of terrorists," Mr Humphrey said.
The Hermits claim Ms Charlotte has offered her husband in return for her freedom.
"He's a great mule," Ms Charlotte allegedly said "and he doesn't eat much".
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