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May contain profane language and distateful ideas. Spoiled Charlotte is in no way affliated with the FBI, CIA, ASIO, French Foreign Legion or the Governments of Australia or Guam. The views expressed herein are in no way endorsed by Pfizer, Woolworths, Monsanto, Arnotts, Oprah or Miley Cyrus, which is a shame. We would have been so good together.




Sunday, March 6, 2011

Corruption of an Innocent and Computer Ebola

I've always fancied myself as a reasonably open-minded individual.  I nary offered a blink when (many years ago) a friend asked me to have a threesome with her and her husband (I mustn't have looked like Gollum on that day).  I find p0rn, well, amusing - and I'll try almost anything once  (much to the delight of a gleefully clapping Humphrey).   HOWEVER............my illusion of sexual sophistication was recently shattered....nay ANNIHILATED.....by an experience that will forever be branded on my cerebral cortex.
My Whatever-Rocks-Your-Boat attitude has deserted me.  I now wear Mary-Janes and a chastity belt.
All I can say is; Don't try this at home folks.  Your innocence will flee and you will never. ever. be the same again.  Don't be fooled; if you have participated in multiple-partner-naked-activities YOU ARE STILL AN INNOCENT.  If you have tied your husband/wife/friend/dog to the bed and whipped them with feathers YOU ARE STILL AN INNOCENT.  If you get your jollies from chocolate sprinkles and nappies...YOU ARE AN INNOCENT.  Even if you want to wee on someone, fine, just don't do it in front of me and don't tell me.  (A quick disclaimer here....no, I haven't done any of the above..... and if I have I won't be telling you about it.)

I am here to serve and protect.

I AM that someone who is stupid enough to Google something I was told wasn't child safe (or even remotely normal-brain-safe).

Do not Google anything even vaguely referring to two girls and one drinking recepticle.

Let me just say that as a result of doing that thing I wrote about just up there.....I am now anorexic, and possibly frigid. 

My computer has seized and has fifty gazzilly million trojan viruses and cyber-ebola.

What the hell is wrong with humans?????  Can we not derive enough excitement from Ferris Wheel rides, the scent of rain or a quickie on the kitchen table???

Coprophagia is the domain of DOGS and even then it is GROSS.  IT IS UNNATURAL. period.

It does beg the question; are humans so over-stimulated that we have experience fatigue?  How does someone even imagine something like the two-girls-one-drinking-vessel game? 

For God's sake, get a hobby....fly a kite....just leave animals, children and poo out of it.

My head hurts.




 

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